With experience in journalism, publishing, comic book news reporting, pop culture writing, advanced fiction writing training, public speaking skills, leadership experience, and excellent communication, I can guarantee that I have the can-do attitude to get any job done. Plus, my stand-up comedy and satire news writing careers can hopefully bring a little panache to your company.
Who? Lil' ol' me?
A Bit About Olivia Luchini
Currently, I serve as a writer for POPSUGAR and Screen Rant. In addition to these two writing jobs, I have been spending my last six months reviving a high school journalism program at San Joaquin Memorial High School that was cut alongside several other arts and media programs recently. Now, my students have published articles digitally that can be found here.
Since I am a recent graduate of the University of California – Davis, a lot of my relevant experience was gained there. I worked at our school newspaper, The California Aggie, for nearly all of my collegiate career. Most recently, I was the Features Editor and a member of the editorial board. Before that, I served as a satire writer and satire editor. Alongside this publication, I worked at Her Campus Media (my author profile can be found here) where I both wrote weekly articles and edited approximately 120 articles per year.
Additionally, I am a FIEND for Children's Literature and Media, and if you want to see the kind of research I do on it, you should check out the "Blog" tab of this website. There, I delve into body shaming that is constantly broadcast to children and highlight characters who encourage young women who are tall, strong, or plus-size to see themselves as heroes.
Other professional experiences include serving as the president of our large public university's only theatre club and holding four different jobs at UC Davis Undergraduate Admissions, where I learned administrative assistant skills and became familiar with Microsoft Office, G Suite, and multiline phones. As a tour guide and my graduation's commencement speaker, I am a skilled public speaker (which I credit to doing stand-up comedy and theatre for the past six years).
The following is a listing of some of my professional experiences and past positions. Each of these roles was unique and they all contributed to both my personal and professional development as a writer. In addition to these roles, I’ve also been involved in several creative projects. Find out more by getting in touch.
Writer – POPSUGAR
November 2019 – Present
To a monthly audience of 300 million readers, I produce content on a variety of popular topics ranging from television shows, music, Star Wars, movies, books, and lifestyle. My first article on banned books reached over 520 unique shares and I constantly pitch unique article ideas that feature popular culture.
Author – Screen Rant
September 2019 – Present
With over thirty articles and over 120,000 views combined, I have produced well-researched, clickable, and engaging content on the comic book industry. In particular, I focus on women in comics and I am the only woman on our comic book news and features desk. My first article alone reached 30,000 views. Here, I learned how to edit images, link relevant content, and write on a tight deadline.
Features Editor, The California Aggie
June 2018 – June 2019
I oversaw/led 10 paid writers and edited – both in-person and digitally – 10 feature-length articles each week for grammar (AP style), spelling, flow of the piece. I wrote and collaborated on two weekly editorial articles on relevant international, national, and campus news while also stepping up to write missing features pieces. I served on the Editorial Board of seven editors and maintained confidentiality, journalistic integrity to the highest degree. I also effectively communicated to team of 50 employees photo requests, graphic requests, and social media postings. We had 4,000 in-print copies circulated on campus per week and are the primary campus news source.
Editor/Writer, Her Campus
October 2016 – October 2018
For this publication, I wrote weekly articles on important topics like mental health, feminism, and body positivity. In addition, I would edit approximately 120 articles per year for other writers. Not only has this given me a keen eye for editing, but it has also given me experience in online publishing and HTML coding. In terms of writing, I produce both comedic and serious, advice-driven articles for this publication and I see similar successes in both. One of my articles for this site gained 9,000 views in less than a week.
Humorist, The California Aggie
December 2016 – June 2018
For this publication, I wrote satirical articles that parody college life and the culture around UC Davis. I often reference pop culture and attempt to produce content that is not only readable for current students, but also for alumni who still follow the publication. I have had articles gain over 30,000 hits at this job. In total, I have written over 60 articles.
Beyond POPSUGAR and Screen Rant, I write a lot of fiction, be it prose or satirical news. Here are some samples:
Sample Satire News Headlines, Articles, and Jokes
Area Dad Wins Close Fight With Roku Remote In Overtime
Piano Teacher Unsure If Student Has The Balls To Play Vince Guaraldi’s “Linus and
Amen! Adult Catholic Still Clears Search History After Watching Porn
Unemployed Man Dubbed King Of Health After Commenting “Stop Glorifying Obesity”
On Every Lizzo Post
Passerby Ends Tobacco Industry With One Hearty Cough
Blue Apron Unveils Depression Meal Collection
Lexapro Accurately Sponsors Seattle Seahawks
San Francisco ‘49ers new “69 Her” Cam Somehow Less Awkward Than Kiss Cam
New HGTV Show Features Property Brothers Spitting On House-less Millennials
Disney unveils Disney Super Plus and Disney Light To Fit Fans With Different Flows
2010 High School Class Clown Still Has It, Dazzles Fellow Zumiez Employees
Psychologists Confirm Saying “Welp!” Is Just As Effective As Therapy
Single Woman Who Didn’t Bring A-Game To Bouquet Toss Now A Withered Witch
Tulsi Gabbard Polling Most Likely To Arm Wrestle Elizabeth Warren’s Golden Retriever
Cocky Theatre Major Fails Razzle Dazzle 101 Class, Forgets To Give It To ‘Em
‘Stranger Things’ Finale Reveals That The Real Monster Was Society All Along
Adult Woman Who Never Had Acne Growing Up Bummed To Have It Now, When It Doesn’t Fucking Matter
Toddler Dressed As Frida Kahlo For Halloween Certainly Chose Own Costume
Instagram Fashion Company Revealed To Be Totes Unethical, Love
Local Man Self-Proclaimed Bilingual In English and “That Language From The Sims”
Main Difference Between Disney and Porn Confirmed To Be Portrayal of Stepsisters
DIY Youtuber Says Fuck It And Teaches Followers How To Make Meth At Home
Hotel Guest Enraged, Inconsolable Over Lack of Danishes At Continental Breakfast
New Mortal Kombat Character’s Finishing Move Is “Per My Last Email”
Man With Tinder Bio Of Just Emojis Definitely Can’t Read
Headline: Main Difference Between Disney And Porn Confirmed To Be Portrayal of Stepsisters
ANAHEIM — After decades of expensive and cutting-edge research, scientists finally figured out the most noticable difference between Disney movies and pornographic movies: The portrayal of stepsisters. “Last night, we had a real ‘Eureka!’ moment,” said Stanford professor Robert Quail, who has watched a collective 2,000 hours worth of Disney and porn with his semi-enthusiastic, semi-soft colleagues. “If looked at closely, it is somewhat evident that stepsisters in Disney films are stone-cold, ugly, irredeemable bitches while stepsisters in porn are fuckable angels sent from above with no clear backstory and a lot of bronzer.” A diagram presented by Quail revealed other key differences between the two portrayals. While the Venn Diagram revealed the similarities to be “stepsibling,” “girl,” and “seeming absence of any moral compass,” Disney uniquely offered “hatred,” “large noses,” and “gets her comeuppance.” Porn, on the other hand, uniquely offered “down to clown for no reason at all usually.” Quail reported that it all usually blows up in the face of either variety of stepsister.
Headline: Tulsi Gabbard Polling Most Likely To Arm Wrestle Elizabeth Warren’s Golden Retriever
WASHINGTON — As the race toward the 2020 Democratic presidential primaries continues, candidates are making themselves known for their signature energies. While the recently gone-but-not-forgotten Beto O’Rourke was polling “Most Likely To Throw ‘Biblioteca’ In The Middle Of Taco Bell Orders,” other Democrats have vastly different aesthetics to their candidacies. For example, Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard is currently polling “Most Likely To Arm Wrestle Elizabeth Warren’s Golden Retriever.” Gabbard is willing to do anything to prove herself to her predominantly conservative male fanbase, and it’s merely a bonus if that thing just so happens to frighten the masses of softies. “Oh, you wanted chill, Hawaiian vibes?” Gabbard bellowed as she approached golden retriever Bailey Warren-Mann, “No, I am willing to get my pristine, white pantsuit dirty to prove my toughness to you all...even if it’s with a little bit of nervous dog shits.” Bailey Warren-Man was confused as to why this was part of it all for Gabbard. “Look, I’m trying to run a clean campaign and I have this bozo trying to grab my paw for an arm wrestle?” Warren-Mann responded via translator, “It’s like, I don’t even have arms, Tulsi. Just four legs! What is your goal here?”
Headline: Cocky Theatre Major Fails Razzle Dazzle 101 Class, Forgets To Give It To ‘Em
NEW YORK — A student at New York University proved that theatre was in no way like riding a bike when he biffed it on the basics during his fall semester finals. Aspiring (wannabe) actor Andrew Skinner froze up during his final exam when he had no idea what to do with the Ol’ Razzle Dazzle. “I had it in my hands,” wept Skinner, “but I didn’t know where to put it! On the floor? In a reusable shopping bag? I should’ve made notecards.” As most seasoned thespians know, all Skinner had to do was give ‘em the Ol’ Razzle Dazzle, a simple task that is taught in primary school theatre camps and 1920s Jazz-age Chicago alike. “Andrew’s other professors and myself were playing the part of ‘Em in this exam, but it was evident that Andrew did not understand there was even an ‘Em to begin with... let alone an ‘Em who was expecting to be given to,” theatre professor Margot Ross said. Since Skinner failed to give ‘em the Ol’ Razzle Dazzle, he has been formally banished from the performing arts for life. “Guess I have to be a stupid engineer now,” Skinner said, defeated.
Feature Jokes for “Tips for Apartment Hunting”
1. Even though it’s called “hunting,” do NOT bring your trusty crossbow. Apartment managers get weird if you forget this.
2. Bring two loaves of bakery bread to appease the resident rat king, as he will ultimately decide if you are worthy of the unit or not.
3. Compliment the lovely kitchen backsplash before you even enter the apartment to show them you know what’s up with houses and whatnot.
4. See if sound carries by grunting your way through a bowel movement in the bathroom and then asking the leasing consultant if they heard anything they liked when you walk out.
5. Ask about their policy on pets, both the animal kind and the BDSM, sex slave kind.
Prose, "The Summer the Crickets Sang in Fresno"
A nonfiction piece of prose on post-graduation pressures in modern America.
Prose, "Loving Less and Loving More Are Uneven Sides of a Two-Person War"
Fictional piece on the dangers of loving someone more than they love you.
Prose, "Stiff and Growing Stiffer"
A short prose piece on depression and its weight on everyday life.
Humor: Library book to file for divorce after not being touched for 20 years
[An article for The California Aggie found here]
A loveless existence on a dark, dusty shelf will no longer do for one library book.
Twenty years ago, one book was swept off its feet and out of a box in a bookstore. It was promised a new, beautiful life. A statue of a guy holding a shoe, a reading room with an amazingly blank ceiling to stare at when life gets boring and over 30,000 students were all supposed to help this little text’s dreams come true. However, life is never that glamorous.
“It all started out fine,” the book said. “In the ‘90s, I’d get read once a week. I was always checked out. There was a waiting list just to get your paws on me. Then those bastards kept improving the computer till everyone could have one. Computers ruin marriages!”
Soon, students were lined up in the library just staring at these screens, not even trying to hide their gazes from the book. In the shadows, the book looked on, smoking a cigarette and no longer caring about how the smoke would affect its pages.
“I’d ask if they needed me for writing their paper,” the book said. “They wouldn’t even look up from their stupid laptops, telling me that they’d ‘find a source online.’ Why are you rummaging through Google when you have the real thing right here? They’d just look at me and whisper, ‘It’s easier this way.’ It ain’t!”
The book tried to get the students’ attention through several desperate attempts. It started out with a new book jacket, trying to be more eye-catching. Then it moved on to pretending it was interested in the things that the students liked.
“Boy, do I love fidget spinners and me-mes!” the book would taunt, not realizing how foolish it looked for mispronouncing the word “memes” and thus throwing water on any possible romantic flame.
Every once in awhile, the book would get checked out and would immediately think that life was about to change for the better. But no! One lazy student would just find one quote on the third page to shove into an essay as their single, required, non-digital source and then just toss the book to the side. They didn’t even make it to the book’s climax.
“I got what I needed,” one student said. “I’m tired, stressed and unemployed. What do you want from me? “Love Actually?” I’m not writing you for 365 days like Gosling! I can hardly text my mom back.”
Finally gaining courage, the book had had enough. It packed its pages and dramatically whipped off the label on its spine, the wedding ring of books to libraries. The students didn’t even look up to notice as the book waddled out of the library and into a new life.
“I’m nobody’s boo thang, son,” the book said, as it whipped on its sunglasses.
Humor: Man breaks Tinder after adding that he likes Netflix to his bio
[An article for The California Aggie found here.]
Every so often, God takes just a little more time on one person than the others. In the year 1996, this person was Daniel Fallon. When it comes to having a unique personality, Fallon runs circles around the average Joe. His favorite movie is “The Dark Knight,” an indie film that you’ve probably never heard of, and his favorite food is pizza, an Italian dish that has yet to make its way to the states. The point is this: we can expect magic from Daniel Fallon.
However, not even Fallon could have predicted the amount of fame that would come to him when he downloaded Tinder. He couldn’t decide on a bio at first, but then he found it — the most unique one possible.
“I really went with my gut,” Fallon said. “My bio reads: ‘Chill guy who likes Netflix and hiking. Not looking for anything serious.’ I thought it was pretty wild because pretty much no one likes Netflix. It’s kind of controversial. I thought it might even lead to a backlash.”
But oh, how wrong Fallon was! Women flocked to his profile in awe of his utter superiority to the average human male. Accompanying this genius bio was a photo of Fallon, not smiling (an artistic choice to represent the economy), in front of a nature-centric backdrop of trees, rocks and other outdoors stuff like, I don’t know, bears.
“The minute I saw the picture of him hiking combined with the bio that said he likes hiking, I knew I was dealing with someone special,” eligible suitor Hannah Jones said. “It’s like, how is he not married or something?”
Fallon sadly had to delete the app after a hailstorm of notifications made his phone freeze. Just like Icarus, this man flew too close to the sun. All of the women who swiped right on him held a funeral for his profile.
“It’s just so tragic,” one sobbing member of the congregation said. “We finally find the perfect man, someone with a pulse and decent grammar who knows what a hill is, and he’s gone… just like that.”
Daniel Fallon is now working out a brand deal with Dos Equis to replace their current “Most Interesting Man in the World.” He met with me one last time before he flew to the City of Angels to make it big. Letting out a single chuckle, he looked back fondly on his Tinder career.
“It’s actually funny,” he said. “I don’t even like hiking, I just thought it was sketch to not have a bio. Bon voyage!”
"Do your thing and don't care if they like it."